Don’t be mad. Say yes.
Tag: texting
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Your heart sinks. What an anniversary gift. One year since your first date at this very restaurant. She had angrily demanded monogamy when you had suggested an open relationship shortly after that date. You apologized profusely. It had been your best friend’s crazy idea. Former best friend. He said any girl would totally leave you if you tried to be monogamous. You’d never dated anyone; didn’t know any better. It must have been his prank but it was too far. You promised her you’d never to bring it up again and broke off contact with the friend.
Turns out she got this “friend’s” number from your phone and texted him a piece of her mind.
She berated him fiercely.
He replied: “Lol, you’d be a saint to stay monogamous with that limp dicked fool. I love the cuck but you’ll see I wasn’t lying”. Soon after you two started having sex…she texted him again. “Fuck, I think you were right. He’s the sweetest guy I know but I need more… God, why are you my only confidante now? I’m still way too jealous for an open relationship, though…” His reply was swift, “Duh, just cheat on him. And, yes, you can come to my place for a proper fuck any time. What are friends for?”
She tells you, “So I really think we owe your friend an apology. I mean, you do. You can see how I apologized. Multiple times. But I mean, he gave you solid advice. Any girl would leave you if she didn’t have someone else to satisfy her urges. And look at how ungratefully you have shunned him since then. I really think your apology should be to give him your ticket for our romantic weekend get-away. That seems fair, don’t you think?”
“Wha – How?!”
“My hand just slipped!”
“Why is that assholes number even in your phone?”
“Well, remember that time you welshed on the arm wrestling bet?”
“I never agreed to that.”
“I know, but you did arm wrestle him.”
“He wouldn’t let go of my hand! He just grabbed it.”
“But eventually you gave in. And he beat you fair and square.”
“Yes and he demanded my phone so he could copy the info of every girl I know. To rape them in front of me, he said. So you think I should have given it over?”
“Well I guess not, but you know how I feel about honoring agreements. I felt bad for him…so I agreed to give him my number.”
“Jesus.”
“Hey! I saved your ass. He said he was going to beat you into the curb otherwise.”
“He did!”
“Just a little…he only sucker punched you and kneed you in the balls. I’ve seen him do worse to you. This was fair since he only got part of what you owed, right?”
“No! I hardly see how any of that is fair.”
“He really wanted your sister’s number…”
“…damn, well I appreciate you protecting her.”
“I mean, I did give her his number.”
“What!?”
“She tricked me! She got me to play truth or dare and then asked for the contact info of the guy with the biggest dick I’d ever seen. I couldn’t welsh. Not like some people.”
“Whu, bu, how do you even know his dick size?!”
“Silly boy. What do you think a man like him has been texting me?”
Your wife, texting other men again. She really knows how to fuck around!
These photos were submitted and posted with permission from the owner.
Twitter, have you learned to promote ads to me with cuckoldry? Because it totally worked. [But don’t go there, it’s a trap!] Also, that guy is super cute. How come porn never has guys that look cute like that?
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